Straight jacket fashion

These last few weeks I have been spending a lot of time on my own. Awaiting the alone time that the 5 PM bell brought on a Friday afternoon. In this time, I have, as expected by those that may know me, spent most of those evenings watching random movies and comedy shows. Most have not been toilet humor and as such, with some sort of message embedded throughout the running time or at the very end. Random thoughts were provoked about pretty much every facet of my life. My career, friendships, relationships and family. The one particularly random thought that popped up was…”who?” Nope, not whom I would wed, or who I want to become or whom I want to leave my enormous (err…ya) wealth to, but rather, who are the top 5 people I would like to meet…dead, mythical or alive.

I have been blessed in this regard as the combination of my personality and circumstances have afforded me plentiful opportunities to interact with many interesting people. I guess if one of those people was someone that was genuinely kind and generous and selfless, I have already met him; in fact, I had the esteemed pleasure of growing up with him (my middle brother, Doc). If on my list was to meet the most beautiful girl in the world, well, I see them (there are two, equally gorgeous) every week and they shower me with unadulterated affection (my beloved nieces). If it were the funniest person that does not have a commercial contract, well, we email every week or so.

But before this sounds like a mushy ode to my family members or friends, this is in fact a list of people that I think would fascinate me in the entire length of a 3 hour, once off session. It’s a case of where they’ve come from, what they became and how they have intrigued or touched my life.

It is worth articulating, that I don’t read, so that rules out the great authors of our existence. I can’t respect the amazing literary efforts of certain documented geniuses because I just lack context. I’m sorry, and I’m sure that if I had the want or exposure to great pieces of literature, I would definitely have had at least some of them on my list. The same upfront excuse goes for my respect of most great historical figures. Your Churchhills, Napoleans and such….unfortunately, I just don’t know enough to know that I would want to slot them in. I know Napolean was a hobbit and Winny had a drinking problem and it did sound like he was an inspiring character, but ya, not enough to crack the nod, sorry guys…

Right, enough with the foreplay…who makes the grade and why…

Let’s start off with the slightly commercial choices…the first being, Robbin Williams. Yes, Mrs Doubtfire, Mr Keating, Man of the Year. I am sure that most of what he has done from a movie point of view was all a part of the great scripting process by some guy in his basement (or office, based on his success) and not uber improv, but there is something about Robbin Williams that speaks louder than his impersonations. His ability to mimic and quite competently impersonate people, situations and red necks (because they seem to be a category on their own) is entertaining and engaging. But my want to meet him is primarily for some of the roles he has played. No they haven’t been Oscar winning movies and expensive, over the top Hollywood efforts, but the dialogues that he signs up for, speaks volumes of the man. His eyes articulate so much more than the average quasi A list actor and when you couple that with his actual comedic abilities, you can’t help but want to have a sit down with the man and get to know him a little better…if the age old adage of “the eyes are the window to the soul”, then this man certainly is worth delving into, well, my thoughts.

Right, time for the second…yes, yes, it’s a bit of a cliché but its Tiger Woods. The man (a young black one) took the world of golfing (run by old white men) by storm and has remained there for eons. The ability to excel at the level of competition that he has is one of unimaginable heights. The concentration required to unequivocally dominate is truly remarkable. Only Micheal Schumacher, Valentino Rossi and Roger Federrer may have rights to be on that same podium, but even they have such blips on their CV that its questionable. Sportsman of the year a few times over and quickly catching the great Mark Nicklaus (who played till he was 233) are only 2 milestones on his impressive run of world dominance of a sport that requires much more than brute force, supreme physiques and outstanding technological advances. Then there are the typical issues of how he has stood the test of time, fighting the stereotype of being a huge US sports star (with endorsement deals that would solve world hunger) and being black (well, sort of, he has like 5 races in him) and the fact that the sport that he is king of is one of supremely managed concentration. I think Tiger could teach us all a thing or two about how we could apply our minds better in our day to day dealings.

Then there is Mathew Bellamy. The lead singer and guitarist and pianist of Brit band Muse. No, my interest in him is not only that he kicks ass on stage, belting out uber rock songs, but also his appreciation of the ability to improvise. His instrumental talents are spellbinding and to work just one of those instruments would be a dream accomplished for most. I cannot articulate just how talented this man (and his writing skill) is and I’m sure that pound for pound there are only a few others, past or present that would rival his abilities. It’s not just that he can do what he does, but with the ease and grace of someone that is so comfortable and confident with his skill, plus, the music they make is out of this world. His singing style is another not so typical stance on how music should be churned out. Then there is the fact that he is a strong believer of life on other planets and is a champion conspiracy theorist…the making of an interesting meeting, I think so.

And then there were two…Step up Adolf Hitler. Yes, as cruel and insane as his crimes were, from what I know of the Holocaust, this man had the ability to inspire (or brainwash or put fear in) an entire country. To make so many people, probably decent people that would have lived normal, vanilla lives do such horrible things to innocent people, are truly remarkable and must rank him as one of the greatest motivators ever. From what I know, he muscled a few situations but somehow, with whatever techniques, made so many follow his will and more importantly, his vision. Can you even imagine how he must have been with his friends, outside of killing innocent people based on his delusional thought process? Did they sip a beer and discuss how their favorite team was playing without their Jewish midfield playmaker…or did they discuss stuff like how traffic is a bitch if you a working in town? Or how children these days grow up so fast? I mean seriously, what the fuck went on in that psychos mind, bar the retarded concept of purification? I don’t even know where I would go on to, from “Hi Adolf, I’m Zoydberg”…perhaps “So, killing people in really fucked up ways, what’s that like?”

And finally, and if he existed (or not even)…Jesus Christ. Yes, as someone who is agnostic or Religion Light as I like to call it, I question whether JC even existed. I mean, he has this massive worldwide following, had wars fought and blood spilled in his name and is the reason why at least 2 women I have dated did not put out, obviously the man has got some pull. The question of his existence is not under examination here, it’s just that it would be pretty cool to ask him questions related to how things started, that supreme A-hole Judas, and of course, how things turned out since. Again, not a topic I am incredibly well read up on, but from what I know, I think it would definitely make for an interesting Q and A session. We could bounce across these allegations of homosexuality being a straight path to hell (do not pass begin, do not collect R200), we could talk about how faith in him is the only path to heaven (or be faced with Route 666) and we could talk about those 2 women that didn’t put out…I’m thinking the water and wine stuff would come up, and most importantly, is this how he wanted it to turn out (as in was he maybe just spreading the rough teachings of Buddhism), was this his vision of what it was going to be or did people take it and royally fuck it up and how? I guess, I know how I could start the conversation…“So, play any sports when you were a kid, or would that have been unfair in the “My dad” argument?”

“The only thing that we can be sure off, is that we don’t know enough”